It's 2001. Chicago.


Drill a hole clear through the top of your helmet and push a 1/4" bolt through, with the threads sticking out toward the blue sky.

Countersink the interior-side hole a little, so that the bolt head lies flush with the surface of the helmet interior. This will prevent your skull from being dented by a bolt head, dig?


Get a video camera and turn it upside-down. See that hole? Put two and two together. Stretch a bungee cord around the whole ridiculous contraption to keep it secure. Add a wide angle lens to better capture the action. And you'd better get that chin strap TIGHT!




Now get on your bike and get HOT! Scream through traffic. Take risks!! Make it look cool, and every once in a while look down at your handlebars to get a shot of the asphalt whizzing beneath you. It'll look like you're moving at light speed, and the wide-angle lens will amplify this effect. WEAVE and DODGE! Go man, GO!!! Think of Darker My Love when they're kickin' ass!!!





Make talk with folk. They'll ask what's up with the camera, so tell them EVERY messenger now must wear a camera on their helmet for "insurance purposes". Count the people that seem to believe that malarkey.






When you're done riding around like a maniac, go home and edit out the boring stuff. Compress the whole thing down to forty minutes or so, and make a bunch of copies. Give them to your friends.

The next day your neck will be sore.